god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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