So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
