Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
