can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
