Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
