Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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