At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
