Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
