bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
