my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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