Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
