im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
