quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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