I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
