we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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