I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
