Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
