I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
