More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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