sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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