I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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