my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
