im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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