Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
