apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
