i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
