I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
