Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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