words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
