just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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