sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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