the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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