who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
