I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
