My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
