Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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