I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
