Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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