It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
