I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
