I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
