If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
