Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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