the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
two words: eviction party
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
