Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
