..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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