her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
