someone owes me an orgasm
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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