Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
