but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
